#GuestPost + #Giveaway by Patrick Haylock @Patthequipper #Humour @rararesources

I’m pleased to be able to share a guest post from Patrick Haylock, part of the mini blog blitz organised by Rachel’s Random Resources.

Over to Patrick

At the end of last year Jupiter and Saturn came closer to each other than they had been for almost 800 years. It was an event that set the world astrological community abuzz with the possible consequences of such an alignment and its potential impact on global leaders and events.

However, what happens when an even rarer conjunction between Pluto and Uranus occurs and what affect does this hold in store for the lives of everyday ‘ordinary folk’? Well, that’s something that Dave from the post room is about to find out, because Pluto is in Uranus and for him this indicates that everything is about to come up smelling of roses or so he thinks!

Dave suffers from OCF, Obsessive Compulsive Fatalism, and His Achilles heel is his daily horoscope, which is about to become dramatically affected by the historic planetary alignment. 

The lucky omens predicted will compel him to take uncharacteristic chances, cross paths with a hotchpotch of larger-than-life eccentric characters. These include a Benny Hill loving vicar, a transvestite, a hippy, a diamond thief, a sausage roll eating Bank manager, an underworld female mechanic, an ‘ungry man, some piranha fish, a chimpanzee and many others. Each will get him embroiled in hilarious situations that are way beyond his control and out of his comfort zone! 

When Pluto’s in Uranus even something as simple as running a raffle for a teddy bear at a church bizarre can go awry as Dave was about to discover.

While packing his unsold items, he became aware of a small gathering of children congregating to the side of him.

The tiny voice of a small girl clutching a bundle of raffle tickets piped up.

“What number won the teddy, mister?”

Having been caught off guard Dave said the first high number that sprang to mind, “185, it was ticket number 185.”

He hadn’t a clue how many tickets he’d sold but he felt extremely confident that it was far less than 185. 

So, the odds that any of the assembled horde would have the winning number, had to be stacked in his favour. 

WRONG AGAIN!

Just as in the bookmaker’s, ‘misfortune had favoured the Dave’.

The group formed a small circle and frantically shuffled through a dubious mixture and amount of raffle tickets. 

After a sequence of dextrous hand manoeuvres befitting of a ‘find the lady’ scammer, one of the girls turned around and excitedly yelled, “I’VE WON IT, I’VE WON!” 

She ran up to Dave and thrust the ticket at him, looked back at her friends and breathlessly repeated that she’d won BIG TED!

“Well done,” said Dave examining the ticket in incredulous disbelief. 

He was convinced that her winning ticket was totally different in size and colour to those in his raffle book.

But as it was securely tucked in with the ‘Holy’ sign he wasn’t going to unpack it or create a scene to contest the claim. It was best to hand over the prize and have done with it! 

So, he located the replacement knitted teddy, and handed it to the lucky

winner. The little girl looked at it, instantly stopped her victory dance and screeched that it was not BIG Teddy, and she wanted BIG TEDDY!

The misguided impression that the worst of thing about the scenario was having to put up with and withstand a few tantrums before it fizzled out, was yet another one of Dave’s ill-fated miscalculations, as the little girls big hearted uncle mike was about to enter the affray.

My genuine hope is that my barmy astrologically fated comedic caper will provide you with some humorous escapism and laughter in these the strangest of times.

You can discover more about Pluto’s in Uranus and see what makes me laugh, by following me on twitter https://twitter.com/Patthequipper  

I hope that this taster has whetted your appetite for a bigger serving of Pluto’s in Uranus! 

Kushti Bok! Patrick

This Christmas Jupiter and Saturn will become closer to each other than they have been for almost 800 years. It is an event that has set the world astrological community abuzz with the possible consequences of such an alignment and its potential impact on global leaders and world events.

 But what happens when an even rarer conjunction between Pluto and Uranus occurs and what affect does it hold in store for the lives of everyday ‘ordinary folk’?

 Well, it’s something that Dave from the post room is about to find out. Pluto is in Uranus and for him this indicates that everything is about to come up smelling of roses or so he thinks!

 Dave suffers from OCF, Obsessive Compulsive Fatalism, and his Achilles heel is his daily horoscope, which is about to become dramatically affected by the historic planetary alignment.

 The lucky omens predicted will compel him to take uncharacteristic chances, cross paths with a hotchpotch of larger than life characters who get him embroiled in situations with hilarious outcomes that are way beyond his control and  out of his comfort zone

Pluto’s In Uranus is written by globally unrecognised no award-winning Essex author Patrick Haylock.

Discounting his definitive guide to publishing invisible books Pluto’s in Uranus is Patrick’s debut novel, and it is now available in Bookstores on Amazon and other online outlets.

Purchase Links ~ Amazon UK | Amazon US | YouTube Trailer

Patrick Haylock is a globally unrecognised writer who if you discount a school sweet pea growing competition, has won no awards whatsoever! He was born in Enfield at a very dark time in the world. It was 1:45 am, to be precise, and it wasn’t too long before it dawned on him.

To make something of himself he was going to need two things the ability to tell the difference between a green onion and a scallion, and a good education.

Wormley Primary and Baas Hill Comprehensive schools did their best to fulfil both requirements, and after giving them 12 years of his life, they gave him seven printed sheets of paper, and the knowledge that there was no difference between a green onion and a scallion.

He also learned that the difference between onions and bagpipes was that no one ever
cries when you chop up bagpipes.

The certificated wisdom secured a national newspaper messenger’s job, which led to an editorial trainee position, followed by a production editor’s post, and progression
into freelance journalism.

‘Knowing his onions’ helped him to successfully establish his own publishing company, design studio, online retro webstore and high street art gallery.

Patrick lives with his wife in a converted Old Essex Brewery, where he claims the 6% ABV air quality inspires him to craft his nutty tales.

Although a ‘new voice’, in the literary world, those ‘in the know’ will willingly testify that his gift for imaginative storytelling is engaging, and, amusingly unique!

Social Media Links ~ Goodreads | Twitter | Website 

Pluto’s in Uranus – Kushti Bok Big Giveaway. Win a cluster of star prizes.(Open Internationally)

Prize includes: A kushti Bok Mug, A signed copy of Pluto’s in Uranus, A pack of 50 Lord Elpus Melon’s wealth creation cards, A black cat bookmarker, An engraved pen, and a lucky silver Manx cat coin.

*Terms and Conditions –Worldwide entries welcome.  Please enter using the Rafflecopter box below.  The winner will be selected at random via Rafflecopter from all valid entries and will be notified by Twitter and/or email. If no response is received within 7 days then Rachel’s Random Resources reserves the right to select an alternative winner. Open to all entrants aged 18 or over.  Any personal data given as part of the competition entry is used for this purpose only and will not be shared with third parties, with the exception of the winners’ information. This will passed to the giveaway organiser and used only for fulfilment of the prize, after which time Rachel’s Random Resources will delete the data.  I am not responsible for despatch or delivery of the prize.