#Interview~Rosie Wilby~debut #nonfiction #author~Is Monogamy Dead? @rosiewilby #SundayBlogShare

Welcome, Rosie, could you tell us a little about your book

Is Monogamy Dead? is my first book and draws inspiration from a trilogy of solo shows investigating love and relationships that I wrote and toured internationally over a seven-year period. Writing a book allowed me to explore the themes more deeply and include some of the science underpinning the personal anecdotes and interviews

… and the inspiration behind it.

The book takes its title from the middle part of the trilogy and that show was very much a response to a couple of friends breaking up. There was a real ambiguity as to whether one of them had been having an affair.

What research was involved?

I decided to conduct an online anonymous survey. The key question was ‘what counts as cheating?’ The responses revealed that fidelity is way less clear cut and binary than we think. For many people, emotional exclusivity was more important than the physical side. But that’s where things get really complicated. Because … how we do control what we feel? 

What issues do you cover in the book?

The book addresses all kinds of issues such as our language around relationships and how the word ‘love’ is a bit overburdened. There are too many different meanings for it. So the opportunity for misunderstanding is huge. All of this information, however, is embedded in my own personal narrative of what was going on in my own relationship and what brought me to this point of questioning relationships. So, although it’s non-fiction, it reads a bit like a novel. 

Do you think conventional monogamy is relevant today or do we need to rethink what might be seen as old fashioned values?

What became clear from the survey results was that we don’t really know what ‘monogamy’ means. There’s no universal rules. It’s much healthier to discuss it with our partners and decide what works best within each relationship. 

Polyamory seems set to become the new buzzword, do you think it’s just an excuse for multiple sexual partners?

Most people who use the word ‘polyamory’ place the emphasis on loving connections as opposed to sexual ones. It would be absolutely possible for a polyamorous person to be completely asexual. Admittedly, this is rare. But it’s possible. 

What conclusions did you reach?

My conclusions were that it’s a very personal and complex topic which we, as a society, had previously made too many assumptions about. 

And just for fun..

Chocolate or wine?

Chocolate

One thing you can’t live without?

Music

Best gift you ever received?

Anything that has some real thought put into it. Though chocolate will do too 

On your bucket list?

To write another book, or maybe a play or a film… to keep challenging myself creatively at least … 

Thanks so much, Rosie.

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About the book

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